Whether you are a parent, aunt, granny, granpa, teacher, carer or child, I'm sure we have all experienced or at least witnessed the heart-breaking scene of a child throwing a tantrum and refusing to leave his/her parent's side when being dropped off at school. It's also good to say that as well as being emotional, this scene can also get very tiring when it happens on a daily basis.
Seperation anxiety usually begins in infants between 4-6 months, then re-emerges at 18 months after the child has learnt to differentiate between the mother/father and other care-givers. As opposed to adults, young children do not have the capacity to understand that when you leave, you will be back. If young children have not developed what Piaget calls object constancy, there is a great chance that he/she believes you have disappeared forever. No wonder that poor little kid latches on so hard! There are a few ways in which you as a care-giver can help the child ease into this and reduce the anxiety
n game, peak-a-boo serves a much deeper purpose. Playing peak-a-boo with your child allows you to develop a strong relationship in which the child experiences a few seconds of anxiety at the thought of losing you, but is relieved quickly when you show your face again. This eventually sends the message that even though you have disappeared, you do eventually come back.
Explain your day and why you are leaving
With most children, especially those over 3, it has found to be helpful if you explain why you are leaving and what most of your day involves for example explaining that you are going into your office, and then will write some things on paper ect. This helps the child to get a concrete idea of what you are doing. It is also vital to give the child a rough estimate as to what time you will pick him/her up. This gives them a goal to focus on.
Transitional objects
These are objects that the child picks as a form of 'security' such as blankets, dolls, pieces
of your clothing, soft toys ect. This is their way of keeping a part of you with them and helps ease the transition of you not being there. Don't be too quick to remove these objects as it does help them to cope.
In summary, always remember that such tantrums all stem from anxiety and fear that you will abandon the child. The easiest thing is to reassure them that this is not the case, and that you will be back, even if you are leaving for a little while. Also, it helps to know that despite maybe feeling irritated by the tantrums, they ultimately occur because the child finds it unbearable to think of a world without you. So amidst all the frustration, there is a silver lining :)
Seperation anxiety usually begins in infants between 4-6 months, then re-emerges at 18 months after the child has learnt to differentiate between the mother/father and other care-givers. As opposed to adults, young children do not have the capacity to understand that when you leave, you will be back. If young children have not developed what Piaget calls object constancy, there is a great chance that he/she believes you have disappeared forever. No wonder that poor little kid latches on so hard! There are a few ways in which you as a care-giver can help the child ease into this and reduce the anxiety
Peak-a-boo
Despite being a fu
n game, peak-a-boo serves a much deeper purpose. Playing peak-a-boo with your child allows you to develop a strong relationship in which the child experiences a few seconds of anxiety at the thought of losing you, but is relieved quickly when you show your face again. This eventually sends the message that even though you have disappeared, you do eventually come back. Explain your day and why you are leaving
With most children, especially those over 3, it has found to be helpful if you explain why you are leaving and what most of your day involves for example explaining that you are going into your office, and then will write some things on paper ect. This helps the child to get a concrete idea of what you are doing. It is also vital to give the child a rough estimate as to what time you will pick him/her up. This gives them a goal to focus on.
Transitional objects
These are objects that the child picks as a form of 'security' such as blankets, dolls, pieces
of your clothing, soft toys ect. This is their way of keeping a part of you with them and helps ease the transition of you not being there. Don't be too quick to remove these objects as it does help them to cope. In summary, always remember that such tantrums all stem from anxiety and fear that you will abandon the child. The easiest thing is to reassure them that this is not the case, and that you will be back, even if you are leaving for a little while. Also, it helps to know that despite maybe feeling irritated by the tantrums, they ultimately occur because the child finds it unbearable to think of a world without you. So amidst all the frustration, there is a silver lining :)
